Dante, Vergil, Penguins
by Evil Hamster God
Summary: Vergil has fun experiences with Dante and Nero gets killed by a hamburger, click for more Uhm...lemon, I guess XD One-shot. For Mimi-sama Hope you like it


_Don't own DMC and don't actually know what penguins say since I obviously never saw one. But as far as I remember it's a churping sound...Whatever XD I don't know anything that reminds you of something. ^_^_

_Dedicated to Mimi-sama ^^ Hope you enjoy~_

It was raining. Dante was falling asleep on the couch while listening to the raindrops hitting the windows. There was an empty pizza box next to him and he sighed. He was very, very bored.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Dante frowned and pretended to be sleeping. Not that anyone could see him, but it should eventually stop ringing...Too lazy for any jobs. Especially after the last one.

_-Last Friday-_

_"Excuse me, Devil may cry?" said the voice from the phone. "I have a very fun assignment for ya'."_

_"Yes?" said Dante a little excited._

_"Well, come to the third house on the left..."_

_When he went to the place designated, he opened the door as he was told to...And...Oh my god. It was someone very similar to...Vergil._

_"'Sup, bro?" the other man said and winked. Dante was seriously creeped out._

_"Uhm, yes, I...probably got the wrong house" Dante replied and tried to get the hell outta there._

_"Awh, where 'you going?" Vergil grabbed his coat and quickly locked the door. "Wanna play "Doctor?""_

_"HELL NO YOU FREAK!"_

_"Awh, then what about Boss and secretary? You'll be the busy boss that wants to have some naughty fun and I'll be the smexy secretary~"_

_"Dude, are you trying to get with me or something?" Dane said with an "omgifigureditout" expression._

_"Yes."_

_"Why didn't you say so?"_

_"I thought it was fairly obvious."_

_"COME HERE, BITCH!" yelled the younger brother with an enthusiastic tone and shoved Vergil to the wall. "Take 'em off!"_

_"DON'T YOU DARE PUSH ME"_

_"You know you liked it, like the little whore you are, nii-chan~"_

_"Okay, you're starting to get kind of scary..."_

_"I hope I am." he smiled sadistically and ripped his brother's clothes off since he obviously wouldn't. "You know, I am sick and tired of always being the freakin' uke. YOU'LL BE MINE!" he took his pants off._

_"Right, you should really calm down, I was just kidding, it was Nero's idea and it's his fault COME HERE YOU LITTLE SON OF A BLOODY RAPED BITCH!" _

_Nero laughed quietly behind one of the curtains and jumped off the balcony. "NOT GONNA GET MEEEE!" then he splashed in garbage. "What the..." He was on a garbage truck that was going straight to Garbage island to feed the penguins, which looked very excited._

_"Chirp chirp squeak cluck." which could be translated into "Hey, look, I told you those condoms people threw out would eventually gain consciousness and would fuse together to form a faggy-emo-looking boy."_

_"Squeak, churp" "Bitch, shut up."_

_"CHURPCHURPCHURP, squeak churp churp." said a blood-covered penguin with strange red eyes. The translation was probably "FOOLISH MORTALS! HE IS NERO! We need him for a sacrifice to the great Penguin god" It pointed a wing at a torn-up Hannah Montana poster._

_"Churpchurp churpchurpchurp, CHURPCHURPCHURPCHURP CHUUURP!" another penguin with dried blood in his fur yelled out "I WILL NEVER BOW DOWN TO HER, YA' HEAR ME!"_

_The two penguins engaged in a bloody battle, organs flying everywhere. The others gathered around and yelled "CHURP, CHURP, CHURP!" translated as "YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, HIT THAT BITCH THERE'S NO FREAKIN WAY WE'LL BE SACRIFICING A PERFECTLY GOOD SEX TOY!"_

_But Nero already died because of the toxic waste in some McDonalds burger he ate so it was all so futile~_

_"Oh, no." the penguins gathered around and took Nero's pants off. "Churp churp squeak churp squeak." "Can't let it go to waste."_

_Meanwhile Dante was forcing his brother's head up and down_

_"Yeah, that's right, suck it like a slut~"_

_"Dante, st..." another shoving movement stopped his words._

_"HARDER, FASTER, BITCH! OH YEEAH! Okay, stop now...stop."_

_"But I started to like it."_

_"You liked it from the beginning" he kicked Vergil and turned him around then shoved it in his ass. Vergil screamed in pain but Dante didn't really care 'cause he's freakin' awesome and has super special awesome hair._

_"AHH, NO, DANTE, PLEASE STOP IT!"_

_"Make me." Dante shoved in harder and faster and enjoyed his brother's was now screaming because he knew his little brother liked it, he didn't feel as much pain anymore...Dante was almost done so he made him blow again._

_"Come on, come on, get that tongue working oh yeah, that's it" he came in Vergil's mouth who happily swallowed it. "I knew you liked it, you pervert."_

_"How am I the pervert?"_

_"Ok, you whore...Damn, at least your blowjobs are better than Trish."_

_"You did Trish?"_

_"Of course not, heard it from uhm...Patty."_

_"..."_

_"Oh COME ON did you REALLY think that was a girl? Hey, look, a penguin wearing Nero's wig!"_

_"That's his scalp."_

_"Whatever."_

_"OUCH!"_

_"What?"_

_"GET YOUR FREAKING SWORD OUT OF MY FREAKING..."_

_"Oh, oh, sorry.."_

_"Squeak."_

_"Uhm, Vergil, the penguin's staring at me."_

_"Come on, what can a penguin do, you ignorant fool."_

_"But this one's scary looking and is covered in blood..."_

_"Yeah, ri..."_

_The penguin jumped behind Vergil and took out a knife._

_"OH MY FREAKING GOD, VERGIL, THAT PENGUIN HAS A KNIVE!"_

_"I DON'T THINK A KNIVE IS WHAT IT'S HUMPING ME WITH!"_

_"Squeak." said the penguin and threw the knife at Dante. He screamed when the knife touched him...Oh, wait, that didn't hurt...It was a fluffy toy knife with "Happy penguins" written on it with big pink letters._

_"Awhhhhh, how sweet. Thanks!" He said and he unlocked the door._

_"WAIT, WAIT, DANTE, GET IT OFF! DANTE! DANTEEEEE!"_

_But Dante was gone._

Now he was happily falling sleep on his couch and eating a piece of pizza he found under the desk and hugging the knife toy.

"Churp."

"Hello, little brother."

Dante jumped off the couch and grabbed Ebony and Ivory.

"Payback time, Dante. The penguin said if I gave it my virginity, I can make a wish."

"And you want to kill me."

"Yep."

"But wait a sec, did you say virginity?"

"Yes."

"Dude, you're not a virgin in...like...30 years...You know, that Pedobear incident."

"Squeak?"

"Uhm, no, of course it's not true, he's lying!"

"Wait, you're talking to a penguin?"

"Cluck squeak churpchurp squeak, squeak." Probably meant "I can see into one's soul, mortal, so I will know if he's lying. Do not try to fool me, hoe."

"No, I..."

"Uhm…hey...Don't ignore me..."

The penguin jumped on Vergil and poked him with a green glowing stick. "Squeak, squeak churp churp squeak cluck cluck squeak churp."

"He's just paralyzed for two weeks? Wow, you guys really have some technology."

"Squeak churpchurp."

"It's voodoo? Wait, I'm talking to a penguin...Whatever. Wanna rape him?"

"Squeak."

_And Dante and the penguin raped the paralyzed Vergil for two weeks straight and then send the body as a present to Lady. The end._

_Not my fault if you got mentally scared. Review or I'll send the fanatic penguins after ya'~ Bye bye ^^_


End file.
